BEAMing and Ready to Reboot

I am BEAMing after an All Saints Women weekend retreat at Epworth by the Sea. Amy Barnett spoke to us about how to Be...I Am. How we can be the brilliant, radiant women God wants us to be. I was particularly excited and inspired by Amy's reflections on seeking opportunities to bless and serve others. She talked about having to be intentional about it, how she carried umbrellas around with her in the car so she could bless people on rainy days, and how God has used her over the years to share his glory and affection with his children on earth. The words that stuck in my mind, however, were words like "deliberate" or "intentional." Even the amazing speaker before me admitted there was some "intention" necessary to being God's servant for others.

I had an epiphany, or at least a "hmmm" moment. I spent more than a year nearly three years ago being very intentional about opening myself up to being used in godly ways. It was a Lenten experiment called "40 Years Unto Me, 40 Days Unto Others." I did it for a whole year, more than a year, and it was tough stuff. I made it a practice to wake up each morning for silence, scripture and prayer. Then I spent the entire day being hyper-aware of where I might be used for God's service. It was tough, but always invigorating! And blessings ensued each and every day, in ways I cannot even remember right now. But I recall being so happy and feeling so fulfilled! As planned, however, I stopped doing this on my 40th birthday...promising myself to continue to practice, but to discontinue blogging about my experiences publicly. I dug into a challenging leadership situation at church, which drew most of my "others-oriented" attention. And when I wasn't doing that, I stayed more focused on what was going on at home. It now comes as no surprise to me that once I stopped practicing intentional do-gooding, once I stopped being silent and prayerful and scripture-reading, and once I stopped waking up each morning with a sense of a excitement, I stopped doing it anything for most others, all together. And again, not surprising, the blessings tapered off.

After the end of my little "experiment," I stepped back from volunteer opportunities and kept focus on the things I thought were more important: myself, my schedule and keeping it all together. And to be honest, it felt really good to look down and inward. Since then I've gotten to work on time, the kids have more time with me,  I've been on top of things that needed my attention, had supper on the table and caught up on television shows. I was in bed at a reasonable hour and continued my morning runs. I really had my junk together!

But maybe it's not my junk I need to keep together. Maybe if I can just look up, and look back out...I am doing what God has planned for me, for all of us: to look out, look around, and put the focus on others. As human beings, this is not a natural or comfortable act. It must be intentional, and uncomfortable and not for personal gain. During that year of do-gooding, it never once got easier or natural to seek others' needs. And once it wasn't on my to-do list, it rarely got done. The women's retreat reaffirmed that it is a lifelong practice to seek others' needs. I feel reinvigorated to wake up each morning seeking prayer, silence, scripture and and intentional desire to bless. #ReadyToRebootDoGooding

Final Thought

Psalm 119: "Deal bountifully with your servant,
   so that I may live and observe your word."

Day 400 THE FINISH LINE!

Scripture: Ps 1, 2, 3, 4, 7; Exodus 14:21-31; 1 Peter 1:1-12; John 14:1-17

Scripture standout: John 14: "‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling-places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going.’ Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.’

 Philip said to him, ‘Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied.’Jesus said to him, ‘Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, “Show us the Father”? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own; but the Father who dwells in me does his works.Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; but if you do not, then believe me because of the works themselves. Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father.I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If in my name you ask me for anything, I will do it."

His Deed/The Day: It is unexpected and perplexing that a fun 400-day experiment in daily deeding should end on such a low note — the death of my stepfather, Edgar Danciger. He was 94 and battling cancer, so the thought was not altogether implausible. But the timing, for all intents, sucked. Not to mention, it happened while RB and I were in New York for our annual trip — regaling our 40th birthdays and 400 day experiments with good food, wine and shopping. And then this. Maybe, it was the final reminder that "it's not about me." Others first. Always — even when you've reached the finish line and a little celebration certainly should be in order. Others first. Always.

So RB and I spent Monday morning doing what we do: running Central Park's reservoir, showering and packing. I left a small stone marker atop a Central Park rock as a little memorial to Ed. Its location is not far from where he began his American experience. Then we shopped for some dresses for David's mom before schlepping it all to the airport for the short plane ride home.

Ed's service is on Wednesday. Friends and family are gathering. Opportunities to be a help lurk around many, many corners. Blessings?

Deedsclosure: Signing off, but not stopping. Now that this is a quasi-habit (my research has shown it is darn near impossible to make daily deeding a "natural" act) I aim to continue it and seek opportunities — but not blog about it. I will wake up each morning and read scripture, but I won't be sharing it. Thank you for reading, and I hope your daily deeding adventures are just beginning.

Day 399

Scripture: Ps 133; Acts 4:32-35; 1 John 1:1-2:2

Scripture standout: 1 John 1: "This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light and in him there is no darkness at all."

His Deed/The Day: Second to last day of daily deeding. Praying for an awesome opportunity to get to work and be a servant.

...and for the love of Pete, thank you for it. Thank you for the opportunity to write the obituary for Edgar Danciger today while in NYC. Funny how things turn out.

Deedsclosure: The light. Interesting isn't it how we are told how we can walk in God's light — be in his light —that there's no darkness in his presence. What a way to live! But on the flipside, in those final moments of life — when death is eminent — light is also the goal. In every book and movie about death, someone's going into the light when they die! Remember Poltergeist? "Run to the light, Carole Ann!" There's light in life and death. Thinking about my stepfather-in-law, Ed, right now. Praying that he is running unhindered toward the light. All the while, praying for Ben and Marley and all of the people I love in this world to be warmed by the light. There is light in life. There is light in death.

Day 398

Scripture: Ps 118:14-18 or 118:19-24; Acts 4:13-21; Mark 16:9-15, 20

Scripture standout: Mark 16: "And they went out and proclaimed the good news everywhere, while the Lord worked with them and confirmed the message by the signs that accompanied it."

His Deed/The Day: Well, the second-hand Coking perhaps wasn't so successful yesterday — or maybe it was, not sure — so maybe I will aim today to buy someone's coffee or simply hold a door. Geez, hopefully someone will drop their bag or crap and I can help pick it up. Praying for God to turn on my "other's awareness" vision instead of my star-dar. In addition to cute boutiques and window dressing, we have been looking around for the stars among us. No luck yet, although at Carnegie Deli there was a guy who looked "familiar." Ricky Martin's it for now. But tonight we can add James Earl Jones and Angela Landsbury to the list.

On the way home, I bought some snacks and a Coke — just in case. And sure enough, as I exited the convenience store and listened to the Scottish bagpipe band perform on the streetside, I saw a guy sitting against the wall with his hand out. And with further proof that a cold Coke is always warmly received, he smiled hugely and went bottoms up.

Deedsclosure: Again, the question at the crux of it all. If God created us to live in community with one another and be his angel messengers for each other and to live in partnership with Him, why is it so DANG hard and unnatural to have a constant awareness of other people and their needs? Talk amongst yourselves.

Day 397

Scripture: Ps 116:1-8 or 118:19-24; Acts 4:1-12; John 21:1-14

Scripture standout: Acts 4: "The next day their rulers, elders, and scribes assembled in Jerusalem, with Annas the high priest, Caiaphas, John, and Alexander, and all who were of the high-priestly family. When they had made the prisoners stand in their midst, they inquired, "By what power or by what name did you do this?" Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, "Rulers of the people and elders, if we are questioned today because of a good deed done to someone who was sick and are asked how this man has been healed, let it be known to all of you, and to all the people of Israel, that this man is standing before you in good health by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead."

John 21: "After these things Jesus showed himself again to the disciples by the Sea of Tiberias; and he showed himself in this way. Gathered there together were Simon Peter, Thomas called the Twin, Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two others of his disciples. Simon Peter said to them, "I am going fishing." They said to him, "We will go with you." They went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.
Just after daybreak, Jesus stood on the beach; but the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to them, "Children, you have no fish, have you?" They answered him, "No." He said to them, "Cast the net to the right side of the boat, and you will find some." So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in because there were so many fish. That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on some clothes, for he was naked, and jumped into the sea. But the other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they were not far from the land, only about a hundred yards off.
When they had gone ashore, they saw a charcoal fire there, with fish on it, and bread. Jesus said to them, "Bring some of the fish that you have just caught." So Simon Peter went aboard and hauled the net ashore, full of large fish, a hundred fifty-three of them; and though there were so many, the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, "Come and have breakfast." Now none of the disciples dared to ask him, "Who are you?" because they knew it was the Lord. Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time that Jesus appeared to the disciples after he was raised from the dead."

His Deed/The Day: As expected, the last few days of this deeding adventure are turning out to be giving big, fat deeds to MYSELF. We went to Evita last night and nearly through our panties on the stage for Ricky Martin, the musical's narrator. He is hot! What a gift! Ended the day with a honkin' yummy cheesecake from Carnegie Deli. I think I'll be packin' heat today — a cold Coke, and cross that off today's list.

So we stopped at a Halal food wagon...one of the most delicious smelling ones with a bin of ice cold cokes and drinks in front. I bought a Coke and then asked the guy to give it to the next person who asked for one. He seemed perplexed, possibly annoyed. We continued on to dinner. On the way back home, I stopped at the same food truck and asked the same guy if he'd given a Coke to someone on my behalf. There was a momentary and telling pause of dishonesty, but he made a big to-do of going to get his boss or friend or whoever to assure me that the Coke had been delivered as promised. Not sure if that deed actually got done or not, but it was kind of fun to try it — and hold someone accountable to the request.

Deedsclosure: Deeding is much more difficult in a fast-paced, frenzied, shoppers paradise.

Day 396

Scripture: Ps 8 or 14 or 118:19-24; Acts 3:11-26; Luke 24:36b-48 


Scripture standout: Luke 24: "While the disciples were talking about how they had seen Jesus risen from the dead, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you."


His Deed/The Day: Well, just like last year, I'm taking daily deeding on the road to the most gluttonous, me-centered town on the planet — New York City. RB and I are heading out in short order to explore the city, eat late lunches, stalk playgrounds for stars' children and admire all of the beautiful baubles and frocks. Door-holding and personal assistance will likely be the last few deeds in the 400-day challenge, but then again — perhaps I will pack a few ice cold Cokes in my shopping bag and see what happens.

It is a little bittersweet this time. Because in addition to seeing Ricky Martin in Evita tonight and Angela Landsbury in The Best Man on Saturday, I am leaving a tentative situation here in Jacksonville. David's stepdad, Ed, is not doing well. He is in hospice care and I'm not sure how things are looking. While proceeding with plans always seems to be the right thing in a situation where waiting is not very productive or overly welcomed, it is a little unsettling to be away.


Deedsclosure: Of course, we all know deeding is actually an opportunity to be somebody's angel. And that's just for everyday stuff and support. But when things are desperate and dark — and people are in their final stages — angels really come out of the woodwork. They do. And not that I'd ever like to wish bad things for myself, I often think how sickeningly fortunate people are (I know this sounds bad, but I'm struggling for words) to be in a pit. That is when God swoops in and mobilizes the angels and you actually SEE and FEEL and TASTE his presence in very obvious, palpable, physical ways. I often want to encourage people to write all these encounters down. At the time, the angel moments are such a relief — but how sad it is that they are soon forgotten. I am praying for Ed and Agnes to have lots of angel moments this week, and to remember each one forever.