Lent Day 16 (Day 362 of Experiment)

Scripture: Ps 95,69, 73; Genesis 43:1-15; 1 Corinthians 7:1-9; Mark 4:35-41


Scripture standout: Ps 69: "²⁹ But as for me, afflicted and in pain— 
   may your salvation, God, protect me. ³⁰ I will praise God’s name in song 
   and glorify him with thanksgiving."


Ps 73: "²¹ When my heart was grieved 
   and my spirit embittered,
²² I was senseless and ignorant;
   I was a brute beast before you.
 ²³ Yet I am always with you;
   you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
   and afterward you will take me into glory."


1 Corinthians 7: "But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that."


His Deed/The Day: Today' deed was going to make some cold, soothing cherry jello for my Marley — who came home from school sick with a fever. But more on that in a minute.


David and I went to Dale Regan's memorial service today at Episcopal. It felt strange to drive on campus and see so many of the images I'd be seeing on the news and in the paper. The makeshift memorial of flowers. The school marquee. Still after this many days, the whole thing did not seem real in any way.


The entire community came out on this beautiful sunny day and sat under the old oak trees in front of Parks and Lastinger halls to listen, reflect and convene — every Episcopal priest in town was there. There was a sense of all being in this together. Relief. Sort of.


Dean Kate Moorehead gave the homily. Like many people, I was ready for some well explained closure to this whole mess. And we all got that and then some. She reminded us — in a voice that was authoritative and clear — that the resurrection was on the third day. Remember that? When Jesus rose from the dead on the third day? "Well this is the third day," she pointed out. Yes it was. You could see everyone making a quick calculation. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Yup. Three days, sure enough.  It was the third day since that a-hole flipped and ruined it all. Three days since that freak burst the secure bubble we'd all enjoyed for decades. 


Dean Kate didn't say that though. She reminded us gently, yet firmly, that God promises to make extraordinary things out of utter darkness. On the third day, we rise up and start new. Things are messy and horrible and impossible. Then we get to work, we clean it up — and something far better emerges. That's when the rainbow appeared in the sky. 

I did not see it, I was too busy blowing my nose. But it was there. God's promise in the sky for all to witness. This one, from Facebook, proves it!


As I mentioned earlier, Marley came home from school sick today. I was supposed to be at a vestry retreat in St. Simons this afternoon. Her sickness threw a major kink in the plans. It's not too easy to pawn off a feverish, sick 10-year-old off on healthy friends or family. Especially the ones who want their mother to sit with them. I smelled a deed lurking. "Marley," I said, "I'm going to make you some jello. The cherry red jello you love so much." Jello, it seems, puts everyone back on the track to wellness. I went into the kitchen to prepare it.


I filled a fluted glass bowl with a sloshing helping of red hot jello water. I put it in the fridge, but tentatively. I noticed that perhaps the bowl's edge was catching the door. When I opened the door to check, the bowl sneered at me and tipped — sending a slow, steaming cascade of red hot jello water all over the refrigerator interior — and onto the kitchen floor beneath, where it quickly oozed into crevices and corners that hadn't been touched by a mop in years. There was red EVERYWHERE. You might not know this, but the refrigerator has itty bitty joints and folds and tiny gutters that are perfect jello water traps. The red liquid, now beginning to congeal, was pooling around yogurt containers, sticks of butter, the milk — jars of pickled green beans. It seeped into the meat drawer and settled on the bacon, the lunch meat bags, the cheese singles. There was a puddle on the floor and my feet turned bright red. I had it in my hair.


Worst of all, just as the bowl tipped — David walked in the back door from work.


In close second for worst was David's biggest nightmare: jars and bottles ringed in red, staining the countertops where I had tossed them in a panic.


He got out the bleach. I got out the cleaning spray and paper towels. He filled the bathtub with water and bleach. We got to work. In silence, we turned our kitchen upside down scrubbing and wiping and rubbing. After an hour, our kitchen never looked so clean! The crevices that were dark and moldy — some hairy, yikes! — were now shining.


Our darkest kitchen hour in years, turned into something far greater and cleaner. I understood what Kate was talking about.


Deedcslousure: Make jello for someone you love. Carefully.

Lent Day 15 (Day 361 of Experiment)

Scripture: Ps 71, 74; Genesis 42:29-38; 1 Corinthians 6:12-20; Mark 4: 21-34


Scripture standout: Ps 71: "¹⁵ My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, 
   of your saving acts all day long—
   though I know not how to relate them all."

Mark 4: "²¹ He said to them, “Do you bring in a lamp to put it under a bowl or a bed? Instead, don’t you put it on its stand? ²² For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open."

His Deed/The Day: Well, like most people in Jacksonville I'm still in a fog after Tuesday's horrible turn of events. It came out today in the paper that the guy came to campus with 100 rounds of ammunition — enough to do much worse than kill one person.


My brain keeps whirring like my MacBook when it's trying too hard to download a big file or process something. Sounds like an airplane at take off. My mind keeps going round and round about how I can distinguish crazy psychopath killers from just your average looney tune. But try as I might and the more I study the story, I cannot make any firm conclusions. My motor finally shut off when I decided that God has a good plan in mind for all of us. And the more I worry about it, the closer I will come to burning out my engine. What happened at Episcopal — and Columbine and the school in Ohio and at the shopping mall in the Arizona — these things are not meant to be understood. They are senseless, absurd acts accomplished by people whose minds are too  crazed to hear God's loving call to stop.


I was thinking about all this when I got an email from the public relations gal at Episcopal. I'd actually been wondering about her. I thought about what a hell job she has right now. I wondered how she must not be sleeping, or getting a moment's peace to wrap her hands around what had happened. I can't imagine explaining the situation or answering questions about something that still seemed like such a dream. I thought about her — and all the rest of the Episcopal staff. They've offered themselves to students and to the community as a means of support. But I can only imagine that they need support more than anyone else.


So I told her that  — in not so many words. And she wrote back that she appreciated it. A small act, but maybe a moment of love during a long, crap day of trying to manage an unmanageable, unfathomable situation.


Deedclosure: If you're thinking about someone — tell them so. Why not?

Lent Day 14 (Day 360 of experiment)

Scripture: Ps 72; Ps 119:73-96; Genesis 42:18-28; Mark 4:1-20; 1 Corinthians 5:9—6:8


Scripture standout: Ps 72: "¹² For he will deliver the needy who cry out, 
   the afflicted who have no one to help.
¹³ He will take pity on the weak and the needy
   and save the needy from death.
¹⁴ He will rescue them from oppression and violence,
   for precious is their blood in his sight."

Ps 119: "⁷⁶ May your unfailing love be my comfort,
   according to your promise to your servant."

1 Corinthians 5: "¹³ God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”

Mark 4: "⁸ Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times.”


His Deed/The Day: Before yesterday's horrific turn of events at Episcopal School of Jacksonville, my mind was on my next door neighbor. She has flare ups of anger and, in my opinion, insanity. When that happens, she yells at my children or my neighbors to get off her property in a way that is visceral and unmeasurably mean. On Monday, I had to explain to Marley and her friend that there are unfortunately people in the world who are out of their mind — whose brains aren't working right, that are sick. Crazy isn't a word we use lightly, but some sick people are just that. Our next door neighbor, I explained, was sick. She is not functioning like a healthy adult. Then I reminded them to stay the hell away from the Wicked Witch and her property.


Then Tuesday. A clearly crazy person takes his illness to the highest of earthly levels and kills someone wonderful — and himself. Is that what crazy people do? Is this the message my children are somehow learning as I try to protect them from people who are one beer short of a six-pack?


The scripture today in Corinthians is clear about judging: we let God do that. It's not for us to do. But it also encourages us to expel the wicked person from among us. How the heck do we know who's the wicked witch and who's so wicked they would kill another person? Did Dale see the wickedness and illness in the young man who killed her? Was she trying to expel him from "among them" so he wouldn't hurt someone, or many others? I want to learn from this so desperately, but there are so few tangible answers.


Today, my deed will be to listen, pray and learn. More prayers aloud for all of the families, the Regans especially, who have been directly impacted by this horrible event.


Deedsclosure: Awful, I was going to talk about the obituaries today as a source for daily deeding. I was going to write about how much closer you feel to your community when you pick up the obituaries and go through, story by story, and say a prayer — aloud — for each family mentioned. "Lord, please bring Smiths comfort today. Mr. Brown, I'm thinking about you and your son right now. Lord be with them." It's a tangible reminder that we're all in this life and death business together.


Today, however, I am scared to open the paper. It's too close. 

Lent Day 13 (Day 359 of Experiment)

Scripture: Ps 61, 62; Genesis 42:1-17; 1 Corinthians 5:1-8; Mark 13:19-35


Scripture standout: Ps 62: "⁹ Surely the lowborn are but a breath, 
   the highborn are but a lie.
If weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
   together they are only a breath."

Mark 13: "³¹ Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."



His Deed/The Day: Numbness. Disbelief. A recently fired Spanish teacher at Episcopal School of Jacksonville returned to the campus today at 1:30 and killed the head of school, Dale Regan. All I can think is, "what the hell kind of deed is that, God? Why did this happen? Where are you now? Why weren't you there?" I keep trying to be thankful that no children were injured and that so many were protected. But there is so much fear. There are so many questions.


Who knows what the shooter planned to do, and how his dismissal might have saved others. I just can't believe this happened here — in our backyard. This is supposed to happen other places. Not here. Not near my kids and their friends. Not to people the community respects.


I don't know what to say today's deed was. After complimenting the Subway sandwich girl's blinged out open earring holes and agreeing to up Marley's museum purchase to an even $8 for a 77-cent donation, the day has been — a blur. We were on a nice field trip to Gainesville, then — a blur. A blur of listening, holding my hand over my mouth, listening, drifting, imagining others, crying, trying to figure, shaking my head, listening, hugging, more crying. A blur.


I'm looking back at today's scripture standout, chilling. We are "only a breath." Today's events surely are a reminder of that. "Heaven and earth will pass away." But by an AK47? On a safe, beautiful and loving school campus? 


Deedsclosure: Pray for families facing tragedies. Whether you know them or not, pray for them. Say their names out loud. The Regan family. The family of Shane Schumerth. The names you see in the obituaries each morning. Say their names. Think on each one. Pray.

Lent Day 12 (Day 358 of experiment)

Scripture: Ps 56, 57, 64, 65; Genesis 41:46-57; 1 Corinthians 4:8-20; Mark 3:7-19


Scripture standout: 1 Corinthians 4; "⁸ Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich!"


His Deed/The Day: For the past few months, we've been using a new writer at The Resident. His work is solid and gives the paper new voice and dimension. I've been thinking that for awhile, and had the opportunity today to tell him.


Deedsclosure: One more freebie deedie for your consideration — the compliment. The compliment can be shared with strangers, friends and family alike — and it is received exactly the same way in all cases. Everyone, I repeat, everyone appreciates a compliment.


For me, paying someone a compliment doesn't exactly roll off my tongue. Some internal mechanism often stops my words for processing, i.e. a quick analysis to decide whether 1) the person will think I'm weird or stalky for saying it 2) if indeed, the person truly deserves the words of encouragement or praise and 3) the mention will create an uncomfortable moment that is best avoided altogether. So sometimes I let the moment go by without comment. Dang rationalization function! I always wish I'd just freaking said something when that happens! I have compliment remorse!


My advice? Just say it, don't process it. I always feel super charged when someone tells me I do good work with my job, or they liked my story, or they think my shoes are cool. A compliment provides a prolonged lift to the day. Why not share this gift with someone today?

Lent Day 11 (Day 357 of Experiment)

Scripture: Ps 22: 22-30; Genesis 17:1-7, 15-16; Romans 4:13-25; Mark 8:31-38


Scripture standout: Mark 8: " ³³ But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter. “Get behind me, Satan!” he said. “You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.” ³⁴ Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."


His Deed/The Day: David's uncle Don made a film several decades ago called Zaat. 

It was a monster movie about a mad scientist who turned himself into a half-man-half-catfish that stole beautiful women and caused a ruckus. It has a huge cult following, and today I noticed on Facebook that Uncle Don will  be appearing at a movie collectible show — with some of his newly DVD-released Zaat movies. 

A quick email of well wishes for a successful show — rat-at-tat-tat — and today's deed done.

Deedsclosure: Yesterday the topic was a few "free and easy" deeds — listening and holding the door. Today, I'd like to share another obvious do-good-freebie: Facebook.


A daily deeder could not have a better tool than Facebook. In a quick 5-minute study, you can determine many key facts that can set a do-gooding act or two into motion. You can see who's: having a birthday; proud of an accomplishment; expanding their family; worried about an upcoming event; angry or upset; raising money for something important to them personally; sharing news about the condition of a friend or neighbor; or marketing a good idea. Plus many, many, many other useless bits of information — so be prepared to skim and speed read.


Deeds come in the form of a congratulations, well-wishes, encouragement or acts of support. Facebook can help you be more aware of who needs what. And it's so easy to do! Message someone! Write on their wall! Make a mental note about someone's challenge or celebration, and promise to follow up with a handwritten card or a food delivery or a surprise.


People have many opinions about Facebook. It's a time suck! It's just too much information! It's overwhelming — it's a ridiculous waste of energy. But one thing is undeniable: to deed somebody, you have to be cognizant of their needs — and Facebook provides important insight about your community of fellow humans through a conduit that's free, accessible and well used. Friend somebody and see what happens.

Day 10 of Lent (Day 356 of Experiment)

Scripture: Ps 55, 138; Ps 139:1-17; Genesis 41:1-13; 1 Corinthians 4: 1-7; Mark 2:23—3:6


Scripture standout: Ps 138: "⁸ The LORD will vindicate me; 
   your love, LORD, endures forever—
   do not abandon the works of your hands."

Ps 139: " ¹ You have searched me, LORD,
   and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
   you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
   and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
   too lofty for me to attain."

His Deed/The Day: Upon retrieval of my cookie order today, I told a Girl Scout to "keep the change." Oh how I doth loveth Girl Scout cookie time when it comes to deeding. (And oh how I loveth Girl Scout cookies!)


Deedclosure: Let me be honest and very clear here: It is much easier — and often more fun and tangible — to buy a deed. It's simple and effective to make a donation. Going to the grocery store to buy ingredients for someone's dinner — that's a snap when the credit card swipes! The rewards are great when you buy a gift. And, of course, there's always a take-a-penny-give-a-penny dish, a tip jar or a school service project at which you can throw your loose change — and feel like you're helping someone big time. A little jing-a-ling makes daily deeding a lot more manageable.


But "free" do-gooding opportunities are just as plentiful. I'm going to tell you about two of my favorites.


The first is...listening!! 

I listen to people every day for my job. That's what I do. I ask questions, wait for their answers and ask more questions. People love to share their stories! In my experience, I feel that most humans are just waiting for opportunities to talk about what happened to them today — or to share a big vision or plan or life dream with someone. People want to share — with someone who cares enough to ask. Can you be that person?


At The Resident, we have two writers who interview old-timers in the neighborhood. Their job is to sit down with local elderly people and listen to them reminisce about "the way things were." In fact, that's the name of their column. These writers remark all the time to me what a blessing it is to do the interviews — and share them. What a gift it is, they say, to be the first and maybe last person who has ever asked them to share their life experiences and memories "on the record."


Challenge yourself next time you're talking to someone. Be a reporter. Can you listen more than you gab? Can you remove the words "I" and "me" from the conversation — and ask more questions that include the word "you?" Can you focus and be present when someone is pouring out their most timely challenges, hurts, celebrations or successes? Can you follow up with questions that encourage the person to share more — even when you have big things to talk about yourself? It's hard! As we try to relate to people, it's feels right and natural to share our own personal experiences with others. But allowing someone the opportunity to go on and on about themselves offers them the gift of purging and feeling heard.


I much prefer conversations where I ask the question, then press the person's play button. My favorite conversations start with one open-ended question that elicits a long, animated answer.  That's because I'm a closet hermit, a Yoda recluse in disguise! But lately, I have witnessed my own me's creep out in conversation. I've been interviewing Teachers of the Year for the past nine months. I record the interview, transcribe them and share them on the Times-Union blog. While transcribing, I cringe when I hear myself relaying some dork-a** story about myself to the interviewees. Like, do they really want to hear that? It sounds so self-serving and yuck. I remind myself to stick to just asking questions.


The second is...looking behind you when you open a door! 

This is free, easy and makes a difference. Make it a lifetime habit. As you push a door open to enter or leave a space, take a quick look in your rear view mirror. Maybe there's someone else who could benefit from a little door-holding. You can always tell who has a bad case of the me's by the way they come through a door or leave it. The self-centered ones throw a door open and let it slam — totally unaware of the person who might be just a few steps away from the threshold. Hold the door, be aware of who's around you. And who knows what doors may open, when you open doors for others...