I am BEAMing after an All Saints Women weekend retreat at Epworth by the Sea. Amy Barnett spoke to us about how to Be...I Am. How we can be the brilliant, radiant women God wants us to be. I was particularly excited and inspired by Amy's reflections on seeking opportunities to bless and serve others. She talked about having to be intentional about it, how she carried umbrellas around with her in the car so she could bless people on rainy days, and how God has used her over the years to share his glory and affection with his children on earth. The words that stuck in my mind, however, were words like "deliberate" or "intentional." Even the amazing speaker before me admitted there was some "intention" necessary to being God's servant for others.
I had an epiphany, or at least a "hmmm" moment. I spent more than a year nearly three years ago being very intentional about opening myself up to being used in godly ways. It was a Lenten experiment called "40 Years Unto Me, 40 Days Unto Others." I did it for a whole year, more than a year, and it was tough stuff. I made it a practice to wake up each morning for silence, scripture and prayer. Then I spent the entire day being hyper-aware of where I might be used for God's service. It was tough, but always invigorating! And blessings ensued each and every day, in ways I cannot even remember right now. But I recall being so happy and feeling so fulfilled! As planned, however, I stopped doing this on my 40th birthday...promising myself to continue to practice, but to discontinue blogging about my experiences publicly. I dug into a challenging leadership situation at church, which drew most of my "others-oriented" attention. And when I wasn't doing that, I stayed more focused on what was going on at home. It now comes as no surprise to me that once I stopped practicing intentional do-gooding, once I stopped being silent and prayerful and scripture-reading, and once I stopped waking up each morning with a sense of a excitement, I stopped doing it anything for most others, all together. And again, not surprising, the blessings tapered off.
After the end of my little "experiment," I stepped back from volunteer opportunities and kept focus on the things I thought were more important: myself, my schedule and keeping it all together. And to be honest, it felt really good to look down and inward. Since then I've gotten to work on time, the kids have more time with me, I've been on top of things that needed my attention, had supper on the table and caught up on television shows. I was in bed at a reasonable hour and continued my morning runs. I really had my junk together!
But maybe it's not my junk I need to keep together. Maybe if I can just look up, and look back out...I am doing what God has planned for me, for all of us: to look out, look around, and put the focus on others. As human beings, this is not a natural or comfortable act. It must be intentional, and uncomfortable and not for personal gain. During that year of do-gooding, it never once got easier or natural to seek others' needs. And once it wasn't on my to-do list, it rarely got done. The women's retreat reaffirmed that it is a lifelong practice to seek others' needs. I feel reinvigorated to wake up each morning seeking prayer, silence, scripture and and intentional desire to bless. #ReadyToRebootDoGooding
